my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
