I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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