Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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