I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
