I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
