do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
