That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
