Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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