i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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