i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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