He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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