I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
