I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
