im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
