you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
