I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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