Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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