your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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