toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
