Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You have to summon your inner elephant
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
