Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
