my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
