Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
