I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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