I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
