This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
