just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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