last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
