i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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