I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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