Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
