Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
