I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
