3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
