Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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