Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
