Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
