somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
