dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
