On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
