Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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