I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
