I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
