worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
