he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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