We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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