Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
