i need an iv and a liver transplant
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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