I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
