i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
