My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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