im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
