At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
