i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
